Please Don’t Suspend Me For Not Promoting You
Good and generous Affiliate Gods,
Please stop the muppet merchants from suspending me for not promoting them,
It’s not that I have no love for their brand,
It’s not that we’re not working to the same cause they are,
Frankly it’s beginning to get out of hand.
We sign up to programmes with an intention to promote them,
And we’re sorry it takes time to develop our sites,
If they provided the resources we needed,
We’ll promote them with all our might.
There are many reasons that our stats will say no sales,
It doesn’t mean we’re showing them no love,
But when we receive the email saying goodbye from their programme,
It’s not nice to have been given the shove.
Someone once said “it’s all about the relationships”,
It’s all about the communication,
But kicking me off for no reason,
It’s hardly going to leave me with dedication.
“Fewer affiliates makes our programmes easier to manage”,
It’s not an excuse that we accept,
Treating me with a little courtesy when I’ve gone to the trouble of joining you,
Is the very least that I expect.
So before they hit the “your suspended button”,
Please ask them to think just for me,
Is there more to this affiliate than in their stats?
Maybe I should email them and see….
Amen
I’ll shut up now…
June 12th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
Oh how you bug me
how easily you press “Join”
then just wiggle your toes and pick your nose
well, tell me what is the point?
Oh how you bug me
you grubby bedroom parasite
with dodgy hair
and even dodgier voucher code website
Yes, I will suspend you
I don’t need another small time trooper
Oh how it bugs me
why can’t all affiliates be super?
June 12th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
Thankyou for the feedback,
Though how sad you make me feel,
To be sterotyped in such a way,
So tell me whats the deal…
Does my personal hygiene deny you sales?
Tell me so Mr Merchant..
If it really is a factor,
I’ll try using some detergant!
My hair can be trimmed,
My website made great,
I could be sending you millions in sales,
But you kicked me and it’s too late.
Whilst I’ve become a big time player,
Some people may call me super,
I’ll be working with your competitors,
I won’t need another small time merchant trooper.
June 12th, 2009 at 2:58 pm
Well, well, well,
To be threatened I will not tolerate!
Don’t you know how big I am,
how Soho-based, how great?
So won’t you just bugger off
mate
June 29th, 2009 at 9:09 am
[...] campaign then, we’re merchant # 1202, and we welcome everybody in peace on the programme. No nasty suspending of inactive affiliates with us! Once you’re signed up, you’ll recieve exciting news regularly from me and [...]
July 14th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
Oh dear merchant, I think your rhyme is great,
Its different and Id like to respond, I hope Im not too late.
The references are old and the horse himself closed that gate.
So lets move on and Ill try to educate.
Affiliate Networks require affiliates to add one link.
Affiliates have multiple sites, that may make you think.
So the site that is listed that you click on to see…
May not be the site that the affiliate advertises you on for free.
Wearing a suit behind a computer for no one else to see,
Really has no relevance as far as I can see.
What makes you great is your ability to rhyme.
I hope you will change your mind after more research and time.
September 21st, 2009 at 1:55 pm
I found your blog on google and read a few of your other posts. I just added you to my Google News Reader. Keep up the good work. Look forward to reading more from you in the future.